So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
