I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
