it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
