He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
