I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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