im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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