im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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