I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
