If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
