I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
