That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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