Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
