hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
