rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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