Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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