Jerry, you need to find god
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
