I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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