he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
