Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
