Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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