Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
