In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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