got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
