I wanna passion pit in your ass
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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