So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
