It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
