I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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