none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
