The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
