I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
