Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
