There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize