Whod you bang
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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