I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
