My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
