'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
