I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
