i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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