I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
