Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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