Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
