he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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