ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
