Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
