you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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