Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
