I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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