oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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