That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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