Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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