you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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