It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
