i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
