i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
