No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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