Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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