The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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