He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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