yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
