Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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