I cannot find my penis.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
